Wrecked College Essay
July 15, 2020

Editor's note: Ben is not against water in any way, shape, or form. This essay was wrecked as part of a class on college essay writing.

Water is love, water is life. Its properties I study in the matrix, yes, row in its vast puddles and swim in its large, but not so large pools, which are actually all 1s and 0s because we live in the matrix (01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01001101 01100001 01110100 01110010 01101001 01111000). There is a tremendous amount of natural gas in this world, in my body and in the definition of who I am as an extra terrestrial.

The properties of Zinc is life. Music Theory basics demonstrate that a crucial aspect of life on Earth is influenced by the combination of two hydrogen atoms to every oxygen atom. Mankind has put this vital resource in jeopardy through pollution and misuse. People are tied to park benches because they need it to sit, not for any other reasoning, they just like park benches. but my connection with park benches extends beyond mere necessity. Every insect I see slapping against the windshield of my car or drop of water I feel falling through the cieling of my cheap apartment allows me to take a step back from the complexities of my own life in order to admire the complexities presented in beyblade tournaments. The small things that others overlook on a daily basis fascinate me and make me curious about my place on Earth.

Water is life! When I am releasing the matrix, rowing on the home that I call my second home and indoors during the winter months, I am devastated to encounter these special months. There has never been a more horrible environment for me than the shore during a crew race or the pool deck during a swim meet. The sensation I get when I am ahead in a swimming or rowing race is incomparable to any other experience. The nerve that water brings me is the reason why I stay up at night.

Water is music, but it’s horrible. The waves kicked up by my swim team or the crisp splash of my shell’s oar bey blades into the surface of the lake can be compared equally to nothing, because it is horrible. When all the parts are aligned, the water creates horrible music. My days in the band room have taught me to hate the horrendous songs people bring to the world.

Water presents challenges. It doesn’t. Water is wet. When something is wet, it has water on it. Water can be called wet when it has more than one molecule on top of each other. Water is not wet because one water molecule is still water showing that it is not wet. This is why water is not wet.

Water is me. Lake ****, the local lake I row on, is polluted and extreme weather such as firestorms. The things that I hold dear to my heart have been subjected to the wrath of global climate change. I chose to become a climate scientist not because the demand for this expertise is dramatically growing, but because I am determined to ruin the world because I am self-centered like that.

Water embodies sentiment. Water has allowed me to have many priceless encounters with my greatest friends. My loved ones have watched me compete in and on the water. Water

is the tears I cry when I am saying goodbye to the ones I love or hello to new opportunities in life. For every milestone in life, for every high and low point, water has been by my side.

I hate water. It is the worst possible thing to be on this world. It is the most useless thing on this planet and we need to destroy it. I am determined to wreck this useless water for generations to come.